So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Duck Duck Cougar?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
