just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
