i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
