did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
