I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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