Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I die, sorry about rent.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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