It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dignity is for republicans.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?