I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air