Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic

(1-313): View more from Michigan

so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?

(313): View more from Michigan

Thats gay

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(313): So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic (1-313): so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation? (313): Thats gay http://tfl.nu/2245

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(248): View more from Michigan

My bottle opener just broke off in the cork

(248): View more from Michigan

They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts

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(248): My bottle opener just broke off in the cork (248): They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts http://tfl.nu/wcrk

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

(703): View more from Virginia

It's the American dream

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(202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb

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(631): View more from New York

conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.

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(631): conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers. http://tfl.nu/22w1

Replies (40) Good night (949) Bad night (2759)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.

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(908): Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic. http://tfl.nu/hh2b

Replies (33) Good night (4214) Bad night (5297)
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(404): View more from Georgia

It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers

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(404): It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers http://tfl.nu/xcf7

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?

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(978): The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up... (978): Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis? http://tfl.nu/mb06

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(803): View more from South Carolina

One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.

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(803): One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big. http://tfl.nu/i8v0

Replies (10) Good night (1156) Bad night (582)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~

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(724): GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~ http://tfl.nu/ka83

Replies (6) Good night (1902) Bad night (645)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.

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(989): I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole. http://tfl.nu/vqh6

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(727): View more from Florida

Why were you not born a dude?

(1-727): View more from Florida

Because god wanted to level the playing field

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(727): Why were you not born a dude? (1-727): Because god wanted to level the playing field http://tfl.nu/5cfo

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(586): View more from Michigan

Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.

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(586): Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/88fu

Replies (0) Good night (559) Bad night (275)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants

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(617): I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants http://tfl.nu/2nl4

Replies (1) Good night (922) Bad night (373)
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(360): View more from Washington

He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...

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(360): He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do... http://tfl.nu/lmar

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(727): View more from Florida

Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.

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(727): Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach. http://tfl.nu/4bma

Replies (2) Good night (264) Bad night (388)

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