Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
