Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
