and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
