some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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