The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
