at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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