I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
