Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
