So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
