Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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