hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
