Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
