I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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