allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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