Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this just has baby written all over it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
