he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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