The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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