well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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