I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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