just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
