Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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