How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
