imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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