Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
