lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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