I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
