Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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