life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
