She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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