What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
