Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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