Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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