hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
