Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
