I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
