dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
