She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
