She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
