I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
