I wish I only lived at night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
