You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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