Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
