Cold hands, warm shart.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
