Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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