What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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