All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The best revenge is premature balding
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
