you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
