I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
