Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
