Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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