I smell stomach acid.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
