Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
