yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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