There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
