i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
