I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
