I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
