420 ftw
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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