He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
