I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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