youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
