I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
