I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
