Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
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