I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
