hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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