The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
