What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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