So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize